purple bodies

just across the room 

you exist in a vacuum 

conversations roll on without me

something occurs through

our love affair

sharpened by restraint

neither kiss nor confession nor consummation

but the minutes in which

my body is the pressure cooker

filled up with all the things

well-behaved women

resist in the presence of decent company

—

i recall most from that night

going untouched

learning the shapes

of your attention

biting me

how it returned to me

and returned again

a lighthouse beam

now i catch you again stealing

a glance

im blinded intermittently 

your look not hungry

but worse

a man on the edge of a cliff

asking permission

to pick up my receiver

jumping

to answer the call of the void

as they say

—

from my vantage point 

you lean so innocent to everyone 

but me

a month ago i was a renaissance woman

with thoughts opinions verse

a grocery list

now I exist only

as heroine

dying for consumption

because a man consulted my body

without me

you catch me stealing

a glance

i look away immediately

humiliated

thinking they notice

your hands

ever present on my mind

i not holding them

but remembering the weight 

on my waist

and how a few nights ago

they could find me

unencumbered by social graces

of meeting the friends

you said something again

i miss it

i want you alone

im not hungry

im standing solo

outside in winter no coat

a winter only we know

around these parts of southern california

a winter only you could hope

to shelter me from

—

a party girl leashed and unleashed

in a room full up with lovers

and i want every one of them

to leave

dishes in the sink

bottles empty

i need to stop behaving

the evening grows long

outside

the jacaranda drop their purple bodies

on the sidewalk

and inside

we practice civilization

in the modern age